SPFPP 229: Stay Curious

Our guest, Chuck Copenspire and his identities

1. Former queer life coach

2. He/they

3. Make corporate environments gayer, more efficient and more accessible

4. Combining skill sets of sex work, trauma-informed, accessibility and neurodivergence

1. DEI

   1. To chuck

      1. Creating space where an actual human can thrive without needing to pretend 

      2. Contribute true gifts- special brain and incredibly powerful when applied to the right problems

      3. Not only creating opportunities, but proactively seeking out people who think “they cannot do it”

      4. Getting out of the way and making room for other people

2. BDSM

   1. Empowered in bossy/take no shit/boundaries part of themselves

   2. Unwillingness to consent to power dynamics that don’t make sense

   3. They need to be a respectable person, if they want respect

3. Birth

   1. Dysphoria around default she/mama/

   2. Brought into contrast his masculine experience

4. Herpes

   1. HSV1 positive for 12 years, 20 when first experienced symptoms

   2. Getting comfortable with disclosure

   3. 2 or 3 rejections 

   4. Act of disclosure helped formalize consent boundaries for him

      1. Explicit consent for any bodily interactions

5. Sexual health is mental health

   1. Shadow work/ Integration work

      1. Living in shadow is the self you were taught to hide

      2. Found BDSM spaces as a consenting space to be greedy, bossy, sadistic, silly, to be anything

      3. Regardless of BDSM element in one’s sexuality, there is inherently a shamed self who can be integrated with public presentable self

   2. Danger of not integrating- non consensually humiliating people he had crushes on

   3. Book: “Romancing the Shadow”

6. Favorite fetish- helping straight people realize they’re gay

   1. How people react to dating him and realizing they are more queer than they thought

      1. Denial

      2. Curiosity

      3. Fear/anxiety: what will happen if they start to be gay, doing something wrong

      4. Challenging/validating/invalidating identities of people he dates

         1. Having identity challenged brings a lot up for people’s safety 

7. Ways you feel comfortable being approached

   1. Masks w/ pronouns

   2. My identity is not validated by other people’s reception of it. It is mine and validated by me.

8. Finding a space where he belonged

   1. In Spokane in his 20’s in drag and comedy scene

   2. Making mistakes and failures

9. Cult

   1. Destroyed a cult

10. Solo parenting

11. Navigate disclosing

    1. Welcome new ppl into community, to sense if there’s the energy to disclose

    2. If a kiss might be coming, let them know I’m HSV1 positive

    3. Getting self-consent! Checking in and being a partner with his body

12. Closing: 1 message, 3 asks

    1. Stay curious

    2. If you wanna talk to him, please do

    3. Willing to adopt a scorpion or tarantula

    4. Meet & hold a super billionaire to let them cry in his arms

    5. LinkedIn: Chuck Copenspire

    6. Instagram: your.pansexual.crisis